you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
