dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you win again, gameday.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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