I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You took a bar mat shot.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize
