im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
