you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
