I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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