I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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