i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
