I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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