Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
