They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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