textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
time to smoke my breakfast
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
