DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize