Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
