I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
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