My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize