He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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