I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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