Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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