I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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