i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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