That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
it's like heaven, but drunker
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
