first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
