her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
