I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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