Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Randomize
