i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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