it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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