this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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