Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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