I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
