I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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