i just wanna soil my oats bro
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
All the doctor said was why
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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