i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
