The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
