Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
