What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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