We're facebook friends in real life
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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