These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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