The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Is Oprah even human
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
