JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
what day is it and did you see me today?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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