So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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