Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
