How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
