Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
