i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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