Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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