im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
That accounts for only three of the penises
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
