At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
