Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
