Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
