If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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