Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
