Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
