I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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