wake up i wanna do it froggy style
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
