i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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