He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
