ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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