we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
