I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
