bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
