Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
