i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
