Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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